|Posted by ellen on July 12, 2012 at 4:00 PM|
A couple of weeks ago somebody posted a quote from Albert Einstein on my facebook wall...It struck me as a great elemental way of living life
Regardless of whether he actually said it, (and the wording sounds suspect--overly simplistic), it really resonated, and I'll tell you why, if you care to listen.
I've been struggling with episodes of worry and sadness for a couple of years now as the life of an artist is very financially unpredictable--I can have a great month and be over the moon with joy and relief, knowing I can continue making things and not have to get a job painting houses or, worse, designing stuff for somebody else. And then the next month it will just be...crickets...nobody is buying my stuff. I barely scrape by. Last spring I couldn't afford q-tips for two weeks. It is ridiculous.
I'd heard a guy on the CBC talking about how the human brain is wired to stay motivated if there is a possible payoff, even if that payoff is seldom and sparse. That infuriated me! Have I become a gambler with my business? Am I a victim of my own brain chemistry and addictive habits? Are mean kitties and soft leather my drug of choice? (yes)
And then there's the sequestering of myself away from friends and any activities that might cost any money...fueled by temporary low self esteem...which is so weird because my self esteem is usually solid.
When I get mired in negative thoughts it's pretty hard to be creative, so I usually just crank out little purses that will eventually sell. But I realized what I have to do is pull myself up by the bootstraps and become inspired again. (over and over again). I need to be the leader in my life instead of feeling like the victim of circumstance. If matter and energy are the same then my fixation on the scarcity in my life will keep me in that same constricted space. So, you know what I did? I went shopping!
Yep, I treated myself to a pile of super cute thrift shop tee shirts (including a Superman one, which I will wear to the market I sell at, to keep my thoughts powerful). I realized that while I was browsing the shoes George Michael's "you gotta have faith" was running through my head. That's exactly it, I have to have faith that I can turn things around and live in the exciting bounteous realm that I was in before the global economic crash, in the golden age of Etsy.
Then I checked my email and I had gotten a nice order from one of my shops, so it seems to be working. ANd, my inspiration is back, manifested in this bag!!!